I say that like it's a bad thing...oh sigh, another October blog. But in reality I'm excited. I've managed to do more than one blog a month, am trying REALLY hard to keep up with you guys. I do appreciate all the feedback, fanmail, and even some of the more entertaining hate mail I get. I haven't been keeping up with www.shitMyfanssay.livejournal.com as much as I should, but I DAO have a whole folder of stuff marked for that site. On the flipside of that, I've received some really nice polite letter of introduction, and am happy to say I have added a few more slaves into My stable this month. I'm looking forward to teaching, learning, growing and training with these lucky few.
Being a lifestyle Domina is sometimes a tricky balance, you constantly have people transitioning in and out of your life. I'm at a particularly good point with it I feel. I have been extremely selective about which sessions I accept and whom I give My time to.
Putting that energy into the world has allowed Me to train with a higher caliber of individual. And the Universe, tho she has fucked with Me a lot in the last few years, finally feels like she's being kind to Me.
I got the extreme pleasure of being able to attend Bindercon, a symposium for women writers in NYC.
It was a pretty magical experience. Because of the insanity going on in My personal life I wasn't even sure I was going to be able to make it up until a few days beforehand. Plans were very up in the air and kept changing, and finally I just said FUCKIT and drove My shitty car to NJ packed with My dogs, and a bunch of paperwork and My computer and tons of clothes. In september things were really crazy for Me, and I had a “in case shit hits the fan” bag prepacked. I hadn't looked at it in like, a month and that's what I took to NJ with Me. Which made for interesting surprises in wardrobe. Business casual would probably have been best, but I was rocking knee socks and mini skirts and combat boots. So what. I was THAT girl all weekend.
Because of the groups of people I hang out with, ya know: bikers, pornstars, circus folks, tattoo artists, it is not very often that I am the weirdest one in the room. But we were at NYU, lots of academia nerds and well dressed women. I was also on a scholarship there, and there were definitely times when I felt like, that weird pornstar charity case. It was weird! The first few hours and workshops/panels there everyone kept asking Me, “what do you write?” That became the question of the weekend. I never quite knew what to say. Um, blogs about My life in the dungeon, safe sex and std harm reduction essays, interviews with metal bands, commentary on the adult industry, poetry, hate mail, screen plays, clip descriptions, I mean, if I said one thing I had to say em all. And I wasn't sure how people would react to Me saying, oh I'm a pornstar, or oh I'm a sex worker.
You never know how people are going to react. And I was by Myself, I didn't have a hot tattooed posse like I usually do. I think I told some people some generic stories, none of them were untrue, I was just testing the waters.
I DID have one fellow bme freak with Me, Lindsey Likes Cats of Under the Rum Tree Photography
you may remember her from this blog I wrote: http://myownbrain.livejournal.com/105011.h
It was really inspiring to be there. So many different women who all did such different things. Everyone was SO welcoming and so nice, by the end of the first day I had totally relaxed. In fact at the mixer that night I started just telling people that I was a sex worker. Guess what, nobody cared.
It was national coming out day the next day anyway, so I figured if there was anywhere I could openly exclaim that I was a part about the sex industry AND still get taken seriously as a writer it was at this conference.
By the second day I had let go of all the bullshit I was holding onto from the drama back home. I was just there, and totally present. And nerdy and taking notes and had met some really wonderful people. I know it's hard for some people to get, that I am rather shy. Because you know, I take My clothes off onstage in front of hundreds of people and I fuck on film. But, I am rather an introvert.
Lindsey and I joked that it was a convention of introverts. How awesome. I mean, EVERYONE was shy! Everyone was nervous and pushing themselves out of their shells. It was really pretty magical.
Everyone was encouraging and open with information.
I have been in the porn industry for so long that I forgot it's not always like that. It's not always cut throat with people wishing for you to fail and stepping on your neck to get ahead. Before you write Me hate mail, I know that isn't true for all of the adult industry, I certainly have developed a lovely little family and community of sex workers who I would be lost without.
For so many years now every time I write something it's, PORNSTAR BELLA VENDETTA WRITES A RECIPE! PORSNSTAR BELLA VENDETTA INTERVIEWS WATAIN! Or whatever the case may be. It was really nice to be Bella, a writer, who was also involved in the adult industry and that was intriguing, instead of defining.
There were so many specific highlights it'd be hard to choose a few to write about, each panel, each connection and each experience was really special to Me. I felt super lucky to be able to be the token tatted up pornstar, haha. Thank you so much to Lux Alptraum for all of her hard work and for letting Me be a part of this. http://www.luxalptraum.com/
The day after the convention I got some soul crushing really depressing news that put Me into bed all day sad. I was so bummed because I wanted to hold onto the magic of the convention, but I guess with any successful convention of any sort, post convention depression is inevitable. Wasn't a really good convention unless you get super depressed that you're not there anymore. Like every bme event ever.
I also wanted to bring up the strange circle and how I met Lindsey and stuff because this weird thing happened. I brought a notebook with Me to take notes. I took My notebook out during the only class that I actually took notes in: (which was Laura Shins lecture, she's so fucking awesome btw)
and I'm flipping through and I find all these notes about Shannon Larratt and bme.
Right after Shannon had committed suicide I had promised Lux that I would write a piece about him for fleshbot.com. The problem was I didn't stop crying for so long and I was so sad that writing it was really hard. I ended up getting My shit together enough to come up with this piece:
Just seeing it there brought up a lot of feels, and then having Lindsey there taking photos, and us exchanging old bme stories.
Laura Shin nonchalantly brought up some things that hit close to home for Me. Why should YOU write this story.
I mean guys come on, let's face it. I have had a crazy fucking life! I mean, I had to take a break from writing this blog to take a phone call from a slave in Egypt! I need to write My own stories because I am the only one living them!
Actually, read about that ridiculous exchage here: www.shitMyfanssay.livejournal.com
I do have stories. Alot of em, you couldn't even make this shit up. And while, I never wanna turn into the type of person who USED to be a sex worker and now makes a living off of the fact that they USED to be a sex worker....I am finding My focus shifting as I get older.
I very much feel like everything is falling into place, it's all happening for a reason. Being at Bindercon, mourning My friend, visiting My family in Nj after all this insanity and back and forth each day.
It was an intense whirlwind trip to NY. I loved every second of it. Right down to drunkenly flirting with cute pretty boy boxer from the Dominican when Lindsey and I closed the afterparty down
(they LEFT a pile of drink tickets there, what kind of monsters do you think we are!)
It was the second time I believe ever in My life that I did a NY trip NOT for the purpose of working and making money. The first time was when I went to My photographer Atom Moore's gallery show at Sacred Gallery honoring the life of our brother and member of Rites of Passage Suspension Group, Zidney Fiendish. It featured some really old school photos of Zid performing fire at the very first BellaVendetta.com launch party in NYC 2003. It made Me cry. I didn't work. I just took some days off and hung out with My friends and it was the best Ny trip ever.
So, this time I just focused on being there, being present, not being distracted by the phone, didn't even turn My computer on just looked, listened, wrote, and then ate really REALLY fucking good food with My family!
As such, I sort of failed on the picture front. I'm sorry. I did take a few on My phone, and Lindsey took one drunken selfie of us too:
SO, after Bindercon, I drove back to MA with My chihuahuas and all My stuff. I was home long enough to unpack the car, spend the afternoon in the woods (which is something I MUST do after spending that long in the concrete jungle)
I gotta, ya know, get My feet in the grass. Drink some water out of a stream or something. In this case I went to an old cemetery from the 1800s and shot some foot feitsh porn.
I have a new foot slave (holla slave toes!) who bought Me this sexy bronze pedicure. I'll be having My girl Julie Simone edit it for Me and have it ready for My #clips4sale store soon
Then I pretty much packed My car back up, packed the chihuahuas back up and got back in the car for the next roadtrip. Got to sleep in My bed for one night!
I was off to springfield, where I was staying with My homegirl Jersey (funny right, just came from Jersey then I was chilling with Jersey, what are the odds)
on the way there My ear hurt really fukin bad. It had hurt the night before too I attributed it to the way My glasses were sitting on it. I wanted to have enough time to stop and get My glasses adjusted, but I was strapped for time as it was, and I didn't wanna leave the dogs in the car.
SO dropped My doggies off with the doggie sitters, and then fetish model Wendy Michelle and I drove to Worcester for the Rock and shock pre party show
I bought these tickets right when they came out, and I was glad too because it was sold out!
So many people! The palladium was packed. It's one of My favorite venues and I have a lot of great memories of it. I was wearing this really cute skirt that was waiting for Me from My wishlist when I got home from NY. LOVED it!
Again, I pretty much failed with photos. I was too caught up in the moment.
Wendy and I fought our way to a pretty good location, and happened to be next to these guys who were also super into King Diamond and screaming every word.
I have a lot of thoughts about this show. For many years now I have been so spoiled, and going backstage, or in the press box, or even ON stage during some of My most favorite metal acts. I'm a spoiled rotten bitch what can I say. I'm Bella Fuckin Vendetta, I got it like that.
But apparently not like that like that, because I had no pull for a King interview or press pass or anything fancy. I bought My tickets just like all the other little people. They were expensive too!
But, My point is: Metal shows are not very friendly to two little, tiny chicks there by themselves. It's hard to get a good spot. People try to muscle past you and throw you around, dudes who are like eight feet tall will push you aside like a rag doll and stand right the fuck in front of you. There's no chivalry in metal, and there are no gentlemen. What they don't know tho, is that I wear steel toed boots for a reason, and I am not afraid to throw elbows and call people out for being dickheads too. So Wendy and I had a decent view. He played every single song I could have ever wanted to hear. The sound was SO good, the vocals were literally perfect. I was so impressed with all of it. The lame thing about metal shows in 2014 is that everyone and their mother has a damn cell phone held up that they are recording shitty cell phone footage of.
I didn't do that. But the guys in front of Me did that. I just found this video, and I think it's maybe the guy who was in front of us, LOL
I didnt know if I should share that, because you're not supposed to film there, and I am all for artists being paid for their work and not stealing from them and respecting boundaries
so with that said, if you watch that: go and support King Diamond
even if you don't LIKE King Diamond...I DO and you can buy Me some King merchandise and I would be really happy
in Fact a new re issue box set is coming out really soon and you could do your part to keep artists in business by buying it for Me.
Consumerism come full circle.
Anyway, I took these ridiculous photos. Wendy met her friend Molly who was an old aol chat friend at King Diamond so I took a picture of them taking a selfie, and then we all tried to take a selfie together and it didn't go very well:
I also took this picture after the show with one of My fans Duncan, who is an awesome metal head!
Here we are lookin like a couple of sweaty metal heads who just got our mind blown into oblivion by King motherfucking Diamond!
I ALSO ran into the dudes from Skeletonwitch! I had actually met them a few years earlier at the Palladium in worcester, they had a random night off, and who would miss a King Diamond tour?
You can actually read the interview I did with them when we met here:
I actually saw all kinds of people I know. It was a wonderful time, I still can't believe how good it was, I want to go see him again!
The next day I awoke and My ear was hurting really, REALLY bad, throbbing in fact. SO I went to check it out, and discovered I had a motherfucking TICK embedded on the ridge of My ear! I tried not to freak out, and had Jersey get it out with tweezers, but it was so swollen she couldn't get it all. I decided I should be safe and went to the ER, where they opened My ear up and got it all out and hurt Me very badly in the process. They also cross contaminated everything and I feared for My life because all I could think about was the germs and how much blood there must be in those rooms no one ever properly cleans up. GROSS. They gave Me antibiotics, and big strong dose of em, and after only like 2 hours of sleep and a trip to the emergency room I finally got some sleep for a little bit.
Later that night was My girl Jerseys bday celebration, I was her sober driver and drove her around brought her out to a nice dinner at Adolfos in springfield, MA
YUM! Christmas is coming, gift certificates for here are much appreciated! It's so gangster in there! Like, literal gangsters having lunch HAHAH, I loved it, also excellent food.
BUT, The insanity did not end there.
The day after THAT I danced at the world famous Club Centerstage in downtown springfield, MA
Someone don't know who, because they never made themselves known....sent Me a REALLY pretty stripper dress of My wishlist and I got to wear it, once again tho, I failed at pictures, I'm sorry.
I also used My bindercon tote to sling feminist porn at the stripclub, which felt very appropriate:
I worked day shift with little Wendy Michelle, made some money, continued Jerseys birthday celebration and THEN went to see GWAR back in Worcester.
I mean, it was Gwar so it was still entertaining. I was very excited to see this new “lead singer” Vulvatron. A FEMALE lead of a well known metal band? I was sure if anyone could pull it off it'd be Gwar, plus I had hear that she squirts blood out of her tits.
So, she wasn't exactly a lead singer, she was more like....a sexy distraction from how bad they actually were. And yah she shot blood out of her tits, but she literally just....came from backstage with her tits bared, squirting blood, people cheered, then she went backstage and put he top back on.
I've seen Gwar probably ten times in my life. There's always a show, a play, it's theater. It's ridiculous but it somehow makes sense. There's generally no spewing of blood just for the sake of spewing blood....so, I dunno, I wasn't too impressed. And it made Me miss Oderus, and I feel bad for everyone who hasn't seen Gwar before and who now has to see the new incantation of them. It looked very much like they were going thru the motions. And the best song all night was the one of Dave Brockie projected onto a screen in the beginning.
Luckily I had much better seats for Gwar than King Diamond, I didn't have to fight My way up there cuz I had no real interest in being drenched by fake blood. I'm sorry I'm too old for that. Besides, I'm drenched with real blood enough in my life that that doesn't excite Me too much.
So: the day after Gwar (are you still following, I still hadnt been home yet)
I went to Kimber Doll's wedding.
I DID take photos but I'm not going to post them here, those are special not for your eyes.
But it was beautiful and small and I cried. Yes, I cried at her wedding. She looked so beautiful and so happy.
I WILL show you this selfie I took in the bathroom tho, because the bathroom at this country club was aaaaawesome!
And after the wedding I packed the dogs up and packed My car again and drove home thru some janky ass back roads with no cell reception and somehow made it home before 2 am.
Then I slept in My bed for one night
I am dungeon sitting (which is sort of like house sitting but way more fun) for the world's oldest BDSM training chateau
La Domaine Esemar
Finally getting a chance to reflect and write, answer some emails and get some work done
I have some sessions here, and availability for more.
You can even call Me up on the dungeon phone if you'd like to discuss the possibility of training with Me.
I will be available for sessions here til the 27th
visit www.MistessBellaVendetta.com for more info about serving Me
Since I'm out here in upstate NY I'm considering dancing at one of the stripclubs near Albany NY...would you guys come and see Me?
Please keep up with Me on social media because I will post about it there and let everyone know where they can come see Me!
and as always keep up with My clips 4 sale store, which has been being updated almost every single day with new video content!